BIGGEST PARENTING MISTAKES THAT DESTROYS YOUR CHILD Self ESTEEM
Low self-esteem is characterized by a lack of confidence and feeling bad about oneself. People with low self-esteem often feel unlovable, awkward and incompetent. Low self-esteem in children makes them hypersensitive. They end up having a fragile sense of self that can easily be wounded by others.
Most Parents are unknowingly responsible for their children’s low self- esteem.
Every parent believes that they are doing a particular deed or applying a specific disciplinary method for the best interest of their children. A lot of times I see parents shout down their kids. Oh, some even find it entertaining discussing it;
‘Once I shout at my kid, he shivers and gets things done in the right way’
‘I purposely disgrace her when her friends are around, so she never makes any mistakes’
‘I compare my first child to her kid brother just to challenge her academic performance’
Children are totally different and unique in their own way. If your child has some weakness in arithmetic such a child could be creative in other things. You need not make your child irrelevant but bring out the best in such child. Making mistakes is an integral part of a child’s learning and growth process. No one is ever born to be a perfect parent but you can always learn. You may never know that you are responsible for your child’s low self-esteem until you realize.
Here are the 10 biggest parenting mistakes that destroys your child self-esteem
1.Shouting on your children
Many parents feel the best way to correct a child is by shouting. They scold and shout on kids for simple mistakes which every kid does. This kind of parents are always acting like a perfectionist forgetting that even adults make mistakes. Shouting on kids could be so damaging as it shapes the child's belief and causes withdrawal between a parent and a child. Such a child feels so scared to express his/her self in public resulting to low self-esteem.
2.Comparing Children to Siblings or Other Children
Parents often believe that if they extol the positive characteristics of siblings and other children to their so-called errant child, their own child will improve. Often, the comparison does the opposite. Those who are constantly compared to others have a diminished sense of individuality and ultimately come to believe that they are worthless. Instead of comparison focus on bringing out the best in your child.
3.Criticizing Child's Innate Abilities, Temperament, or Characteristics
Many parents are threatened and nonplussed if their children's abilities and characteristics are different from their own. They feel that if their children are just like them, everything will be harmonious and stress-free.
Those who criticize their diametrically different children's innate abilities and characteristics are often invalidating their children's innermost psychological core. These children often feel insignificant and totally unappreciated. Just because a child does not have the same characteristics as their parents does not mean they are a failure that needs correcting. A good strategy is to encourage children to develop their own personality and voice.
4.Continuously Harping About Mistakes
Making mistakes is an integral part of a child's learning and growth process. Childhood is a time to freely explore, try on different personas, and fall on your face. However, there are parents who equate mistakes with grave mortal sin. Continuous harping about mistakes to a child is tantamount to abuse. This child begins to lose what sense of initiative and risk-taking that they have and thus they become extremely anxious and risk-aversive, often not electing to attempt anything for fear of failure. Teaching your child to accept mistakes and failures positively is a good way to go about things.
5.Teaching That a Child's Dreams, Aspirations, and Goals Are Impossible to Reach
Many parents criticize their children aspirations and goals making them believe it’s never achievable, thereby forcing a different career, path, dream and goals on their children. Well, some individuals have goals and aspirations which are dramatically different and rare. They should be encouraged. Often these kids do end up settling for ordinary and safe careers, much to their regret. They are grossly unhappy, yearning for what might have been.
Instead, parents should encourage their children to pursue their dreams and let them figure out if their dreams are achievable.
6. Demanding blind obedience
Some parents are authoritarians, all they want is 100% obedience at all times without questioning. They always want to control their kids not considering that kids want to be heard at times. They make their home an army barrack giving commands without giving a listening ear. Such parents end up raising timid and powerless kids bringing a wreck to a child self-esteem.
7. Never Praising
There are parents who do not believe in praising a child. They believe praising the child will make a lot of things go wrong. Every child wants to be praised especially when they work hard to achieve something positive. Refusing to praise your child kills the aspirations to do more. Such a child sees no motivating factor to achieve greater goals. He/she thereby ends up settling for less.
8.Evaluating a Child's Intellectual Capacity based on academic performance
Most parents tag their children as failures the moment a child comes home with a poor academic performance. A child is never a failure because he/she fails a subject. Such a child only has a weakness in such subject. Many great men today were people whose teachers or parents tagged failure and had given up on. Never judge a child because of a weakness. Most parents keep bringing it to the ears of their children that they are nothing but failures because of a poor academic performance thereby making such children a low achiever in life.
9.Verbal Abuse
This is a destructive parenting style which happens when a parent is angry. Most times when I hear parents call their children stupid, idiot, etc. I feel devastating because those words kill the child. There is nothing as worse as hearing a parent call a child looser, I wish you were never born. A child should find comfort in his/her parents. Many at times when parents speak angrily, they never know the harm such words could cause, words are powerful. Never abuse your child verbally, it kills the self-esteem in your child.
10.Embarassing your child in front of other kids
Some parents think the very best way to correct a child is by embarrassing such child amongst his/her peers. A parent once told her son amidst his friends that he should make sure he comes back from school early so that he can clean his urine bed. His friends laughed and made jest of him. Unknowingly to the parent that the news went around the school and the boy was nicknamed bedwetter. This affected his psychological being and destroyed his self-esteem. There are better ways to correct a child but definitely not embarrassing a child amongst peers.
Correction and discipline are meant to improve and enhance a child sense of being. Correction and discipline are not to demoralize children or to leave them with low self-esteem. When correcting your child please do it in the right way. A child with low self-esteem is a target for bullies!
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